When we are little, we are sponges that learn so many things from our surroundings. We see how our parents interact and equate that to how adult romantic relationships can be. We have friends that we get to know and begin to develop skills in how to associate with others. Kids are amazing little learners that want to adapt to what is going on around them, but what they learn isn’t always a good thing long-term.
Harmful Beliefs are Learned
Saying it bluntly, kids aren’t born hating someone or a specific group. That is learned by witnessing the behaviors around them in their specific situation. I acknowledge that this can certainly be an extreme example of negative behavior, but we have all seen it or believed it to be accurate sometime in our lives.
Adults Shape the Next Generation
Adults have tremendous influence on the youth that we interact with every day, good and bad. They look up to us, so it is our responsibility to show them healthier ways of being members of society as they grow up. For men, some of the emotional lessons are ones that we need to learn later in life as we rarely had good teachings growing up.
Teaching Boys that Emotions are Healthy
During a recent work trip, I came across a TV commercial that I really appreciated seeing as it was discussing the impact adults can have on children. It reiterated that it was OK for children to feel emotions and feelings. This resonated to me as so many boys are encouraged to stuff their feelings and emotions down as it isn’t how a man is supposed to behave. Baloney. I touch on how wrong this philosophy is on my first blog post How my Journey Began This kind of position can have direct negative consequences to our adult relationships, especially romantic ones, as we have never developed these skills from our youth.
Understanding Toxic Stress
The commercial was sponsored by First 5 California, and they have a ton of handy references on their website if you are interested: https://first5california.strongerstarts.com/ They have an initial focus on toxic stress and the impact that can have on our kids.
Supporting Your Child’s Feelings – and Your Own
The site has another link to discuss supporting your child’s feelings and your own, helpful little blurbs for anyone who is working on learning these skills https://first5california.strongerstarts.com/address-toxic-stress/your-childs-feelings If you navigate through the material, you will discover how important it is to work on yourself during your journey. The idea is this, if you are a healthy and grounded individual then you can be there for the little ones in your life.
Healing Requires Inner Work
Becoming a healthy and grounded person takes work, I’m not going to lie to you. It 100% can be done but the growth and transformation is work. When I first started my path, it felt so uncomfortable. My body and mind were screaming to stop as it felt so different than how I have functioned for most of my life. Reprogramming years of how you have been living your life is difficult work, but the results are totally worth it.
Start With Your Own Growth
If you are here, then you are open to becoming a better person and you deserve that acknowledgement. Not everyone can see their shortcomings and take on the tough assignment of growing and becoming a better person, but it is critical that you are pursuing growth for yourself.
If you are doing it for anyone else, the chance of you giving up increases. Like I mentioned above, being healthy and grounded starts with you. If you are motivated to improve then you will stay in the hard work of it and have a higher chance of success.
